Withdraw.

Sometimes I just want to withdraw from society, college, and life. I want all of my stresses to disappear and be able to start with a clean slate. I just don’t seem capable of handling this anymore.

I’m sick of being bulimic, I’m sick of my depression, I’m sick of the apathy, I’m sick of not feeling well, I’m sick of trying to force myself to do schoolwork, I’m sick of pretending I’m happy, I’m sick of stress, I’m sick of pain, I’m sick of anxiety, I’m sick of having to deal with food, I’m sick of hate, I’m sick of  low self-esteem, I’m sick of eating, I’m sick of thinking, I’m sick of life.

I’m probably going to have to eat dinner tonight with friends – Ethan will make sure of that. If I must eat, I’ll have the following: spinach/lettuce, 5 pc. tofu, 20 sunflower seeds, and soy sauce (total calories = 75). I will drink only water and not eat anything else. Hopefully people won’t be suspicious if it looks like I’m actually eating something. Whatever, Ethan will probably ask me later how I’ve been doing with eating today anyways. I won’t lie; I’ll tell him the truth. He’ll be concerned, but I really don’t want to eat.

EDIT:
Well, like always seems to happen when I eat, I eat more than I had originaly intended. I doubt I’ll be going into ketosis tomorrow. Ah well. I probably consumed around 500 calories today.