Tree suicide.

I know this will sound crazy. I was very tempted/(very close) to commit suicide while I was driving today. I was driving along lake road and I really wanted to crash the car into a tree. I had to literally cry out to God for help and it was only be His strength that I was able to keep my car on the road and avoid swerving sharply to the right. I started weeping about…everything. I was screaming and yelling and crying, asking for forgiveness and grace. I was completely breaking down. I was out of control. I don’t want to be on this earth anymore. I want to be with God in heaven. I know God has a plan here for me; to take as many people as I can with me to heaven. I did not  calm down  until  I was at school. I feel detached from the rest of the world. I feel like I really don’t care about anything, although I know that while I’m still alive I will try to do the best that I can, it”s just in my nature. I feel this emptiness. I know only God can fill it. I feel like there is nothing on this world for me. I don’t want to do anything. Heaven is perfect. it’s better than whatever we have here by millions. There is no pain or stress. There is only happiness. I am tired of living. I almost want to cease to exist all together. I don’t want to exist anywhere. I feel like I would not like to live forever and ever. God has plans for me to. I need His help. I need to listen to Him. Help me Lord Jesus. I just want rest.